It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
