Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
