I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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