i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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