The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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