Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
