16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
