I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
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