he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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