I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
