The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
