he shaved USA in his pubs
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My ass is underappreciated
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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