I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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