well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
