I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
