Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
