Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
