His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
