i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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