cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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