He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
