what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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