it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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