Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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