seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
