Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
