tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
