Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
