Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
