dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
