so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
