its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
