Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
