South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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