I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
