your parents love me but you hate me
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
