Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
