He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
