It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
