I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
