I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize