The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
