i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
