I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
