She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
