i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
should my penis look like a turkey
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
