new low.... made out with someone while peeing
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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