I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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