I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
