i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
