She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Pants are for mortals
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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