the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
