I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize