how do flat chested girls get laid?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
