allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
