someone threw a dead crab at me
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
