PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
