she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
