Porn is love you can see.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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