Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
