Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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