I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I did not marry a roomba.
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