do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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