Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
