talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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