I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
