Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
