Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
