I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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