I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
