There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
