what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
