and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
