A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
