not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize