You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The Olympian is in my bed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
