Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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