Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
