I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
