we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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