CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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