How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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