I'm jealous of your bromance
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize