After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
