shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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