Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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