need another drink. this is the easiest way
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I supernannyed him into submission
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
