i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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