Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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