eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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