This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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