Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
