He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
