You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My liver just had a heart attack.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
