Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
