this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
