I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
