Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
