why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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