Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So. Much. Porn.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
